Why do we care for our bodies, even though they will break down?
Getting a repeat surgery
Hi,
I’ve learnt a lot by reading other people’s blogs. In the best case it feels like mass-media letter writing. I’ve learnt a lot about people that I couldn’t just by talking to them- especially the interesting people I meet online.
For example, I enjoy reading Juan David’s Substack because I learn something and it feels like catching up with him. Also, he writes about his most important discoveries of the week, which is something we all go through but tend not to share with each other super regularly.
I am scared to write similar posts, because while I have a lot of inspiring or positive thoughts, ideas, and developments in a week, I also tend to struggle with darker, more complicated issues too that I don’t talk about usually. I think that does make things harder to deal with, because it means I’m struggling on my own, with my limited perspectives running around in circles. I am not sure how far to share on this side so we will see, and feedback is much appreciated.
This week I discovered that I need to have deviated septum surgery- again- for the second time! Because apparently, although I already had this surgery 5 years ago, I need to have it again. I also discovered I fractured my nose when I was a kid. I have one memory of a basketball coming down from lamppost height and bouncing off my nose. I paused for a few seconds and then just started running off again and no one noticed. Before today, I wasn’t even sure if this memory was real.
Since I had zero medical treatment for the fracture, it meant my bones healed weird and I got a bump in my nose, which the doctor said I should remove. He said it so casually. Another friend of mine who had the deviated septum surgery got her ‘bump’ removed at the same time. And later another friend did the same thing. When I had the surgery, having my ‘bump’ removed wasn’t presented as an option. But we later found out that the daughter of the doctor who did my surgery also had the same surgery and her bump’ removed too!
It took me a long time and effort to accept my bumpy nose and enjoy how it looked. Sometimes I’d reminisce and wonder what it would be like to have had it removed. But mostly now I enjoy that it’s my distinctive look and I just started leaning into it. This doctor casually saying he would remove it is probably the saddest part of doing the surgery again. It’s strange to consider if I want to remove it or not. Was it the way that god/universe intended because of the fracture, or would it be more natural to have it removed?
My family just went
through a bunch of health challenges and major surgery so I’m asking myself why is this happening? What’s supposed to be happening? What’s my dharma (the Sanskrit word for good, orderly direction)? I have been practicing living and responding to the needs of my body more. I started eating way better, exercising 3 times a week, and trying to sleep properly (failing hard). Recently I’ve proven to myself that even if I can’t fix my issues, I can very accurately tell you how I’m doing and I realized that I couldn’t breathe properly at all- hence the doctor’s visit.
Although this surgery feels like an irritation, it’s actually a sign that I’m becoming attentive to my body and very serious about meeting its requirements for healthy functioning. 2 years ago, before going to uni, (but 3 years after the first surgery). I went to a doctor for the same issue and he said the same thing- I needed surgery. I got very confused and just ignored the problem instead. Today, I instantly committed to surgery and realized all the other effects this had on my body. E.g I breathe from my mouth and that’s why my lips are usually dry. This is such a crazy development and awareness of the state of my body compared to before. The only thing is that I’m sure what the benefit of heightened awareness actually is.